Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
