dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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