im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
