she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
