you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize