Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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