...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
