Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
