just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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