Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
