why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
