I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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