At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
