so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
