What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
