Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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