i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
