hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
