you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
