This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
