I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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