After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
