i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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