i just had sex bonerless
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
