Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
