I just cut my nipple shaving
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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