i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
