i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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