we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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