i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize