My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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