i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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