He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
