I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
