The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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