you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
