We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
