too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
