Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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