I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize