So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
