I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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