my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
