I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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