the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize