Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
