Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
