I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize