Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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