As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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