I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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