Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
