My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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