Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
