I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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