Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize