I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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