I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
