He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
