Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
