I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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