You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
