Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
