none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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